No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
~ Albert Einstein
I have been working on a project, for what feels like forever. I am attempting to expand my Hyper Text Markup Language [html] horizons. I am working to broaden my comprehension of Cascading Style Sheets. Though I have heard many say, learning to create a wed page is easy, as I broached the construction, I did as I do, I freaked. When stretching beyond my own limits I often feel paralyzed. Each time I begin a novel endeavor I quietly and subtly panic. I live in fear though few would ever know this.
I suspect we all do. When the common utterance is stated, “We are all our own worst critic,” we substantiate that humans are insecure. They [we, I] question their achievements and their limitations. They [we, I] ask are they [we, I] worthy, wonderful, or weak.
I feel feeble, frail, and fragile as I begin to challenge my ego strength or lack thereof. I know not whether I fear failure or fear the light. In exploring this venture, I chose not to start from scratch. I knew that would be too threatening for me. I began with a scripted shell. Still, I shuttered to think, what of the learning curve. Apprehension welled up in me. I knew I would work through it; I consistently do. I am known to persevere. I am disciplined, diligent, and thorough, or so many tell me. Thus, I am scripting in my sleep and staying up into the wee hours of the morning.
As I am coming closer to resolving much of what has been overwhelming to me, I thought of how persistence is a good trait. Then my mind shifted to the topic of stubbornness; synonyms for which are obstinacy, inflexibility, and obduracy. I thought of our current Administration and the comparisons overwhelmed me. They have their mission and I have mine. President George W. Bush, Vice President Richard Cheney, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld declare, “We must stay the course!” Reluctantly, I reflect, might I be similar to such a shrewd and crude bunch?
I believe in some ways the essence of being human is fundamentally equivalent; however there are nuances that differ. diligence is an admirable trait. Nevertheless, when our determination causes our defeat, people often become defensive. Defensiveness is the human means for hiding deep-seated trepidation. The more protective we are of our philosophies and practices, the more we demonstrate our internal strife. Witness “W.” and his whiney Cabinet cronies.
In my own desire to “succeed,” I do not stay singularly focused. I do not seek affirmation from those that agree with me. I search for the naysayer, those that freely offer constructive criticism. I crave advice, and wisdom. I look for those that technically know nothing of the world in which I live and those that more fully embrace the paradigm. I want to hear from those that experience reality in a manner that varies from my own. I realize that my own defensiveness will teach me nothing.
In my yearning to pursue, persevere, and persist, I acknowledge that I must ponder. I must travel beyond what I know or believe. Decisions cannot be set if I am to proceed, progress, and ultimately prevail.
Sadly, I think too often humans dig in their heels. They wish to be on terra firma. I am not alone in my fear. Many believe that they dread the darkness; though that is the space, they are familiar with. People typically know drama, trauma, and chaos. They continually create it. Most individuals find comfort in what they know. Thus, they defend to the death their right to believe as they do. They are confident in their commitment and conclusions.
I, on the other hand, accept that I comprehend nothing with certainty. With each passing day, I am more aware that life is a series of lessons and I learn ever so slowly. I am baffled by my fascination with light. I have craved its warmth since I was a very young child. Yet, I fear it. Sunlight leaves me feeling settled. However, it is the light within that blinds me!
“Our Greatest Fear”
Marianne Williamson from her book “A Return to Love”
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us;
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
People won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine.
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
Ponder and Persevere . . .
• Bush: Stay the course on terror war. Cable News Network News. Thursday, May 6, 2004
• President Outlines Strategy for Victory in Iraq. Office of the Press Secretary. November 30, 2005
• Interview of the Vice President by John King, CNN . Office of the Vice President. June 22, 2006
• Cheney: Iraq pullout would ‘validate and encourage the terrorists. Cable News Network News. Thursday, June 22, 2006
• Stay What Course?, By Gene Healy and Justin Logan. Cato Institute. November 4, 2005
• Rice won’t rule out U.S. troops in Iraq in 10 years, By Mikhail Metzel. Associated Press. CNN News. October 26, 2005
• Rumsfeld: Criticism ‘goes with territory’. By Frank Sesno. Cable News Network News. September 30, 2006
• “Our Greatest Fear” Marianne Williamson from her book “A Return to Love”